Comments on: Tough Love and Drug Addiction http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/ Drug rehab blog from Gatehouse Academy. Gatehouse is a long term drug rehab and alcohol rehab and extended care treatment center for young adults offer the opportunity for young adults age 17-25 to recover from their dependencies. Fri, 29 Aug 2008 07:06:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: James http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-605 James Fri, 22 Aug 2008 13:17:30 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-605 Hi guys this is James here.I am not usually a proponent of tough love, but since your son is taking such intense advantage of you, he might have to hit rock bottom before he can truly recover. Rock bottom, in this case, might mean not having a roof over his head. James Hi guys this is James here.I am not usually a proponent of tough love, but since your son is taking such intense advantage of you, he might have to hit rock bottom before he can truly recover. Rock bottom, in this case, might mean not having a roof over his head.
James

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-89 Anonymous Mon, 21 Jan 2008 15:49:35 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-89 <p>I did not get sober or even want to get sober until my parents quite talking to me. I mean it was not the couple days of no talking it was a while. I woke up one day and looked around and realized these people that I am hanging out with are not going to stick by me forever. I knew that my family would always be there and I took that for granted. To this day I am a firm believer in the tough love method. I can’t imagine as a mother how devastating that would be for a parent to go through, but I understand it. It was the best thing for my parents to do to me to wake me up.</p> I did not get sober or even want to get sober until my parents quite talking to me. I mean it was not the couple days of no talking it was a while. I woke up one day and looked around and realized these people that I am hanging out with are not going to stick by me forever. I knew that my family would always be there and I took that for granted. To this day I am a firm believer in the tough love method. I can’t imagine as a mother how devastating that would be for a parent to go through, but I understand it. It was the best thing for my parents to do to me to wake me up.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-88 Anonymous Fri, 18 Jan 2008 14:59:00 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-88 <p>If my parents had'nt showed me tough love when i wanted to leave i dont know if i would even be alive right now. Tough love is something that i can honestly say that i am greatful for. I have also discovered that it was not easy for my family to give me my tough love letter. I am forever greatful that my family can show me tough love to see me grow in the end.</p> If my parents had’nt showed me tough love when i wanted to leave i dont know if i would even be alive right now. Tough love is something that i can honestly say that i am greatful for. I have also discovered that it was not easy for my family to give me my tough love letter. I am forever greatful that my family can show me tough love to see me grow in the end.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-86 Anonymous Fri, 11 Jan 2008 20:57:48 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-86 <p>"Tough love" for a co-dependant like myself should be called "Almost Impossible Tough Love." Single, desperately searching for solutions and a single mom with an only alcoholic son spelled disaster from the start. That was and is my story.. For over 5 years I have been going to Alanon meetings to hear the stories over and over again which reiterate that -- if you co-sign with the alcoholic in your life, and let him or her get their way -- you are enabling them to the point of possibly killing them<br /> ....<br /> What is unbelievable to me is that after so many meetings and work with this illness that I have called "Co-Dependance" the message still gets lost and I fall into a trap each time my son calls and asks me for the kind of help that will bailing him out of a situation he has put himself into. </p> <p>I now have a friend (sponsor) who I call right after my son calls as security because I do not trust my judgement when it pertains to my dearest boy.<br /> Today she asks me the same questions she asked me the last time he called -- did you say you would pay for the item, did you bail him out, do not help him Margaret..... Thank God there is a number of organizations like Alanon and Coda where my types can go.... I believe that the alcoholic looks in the mirror and sees the perfect codependant match in the reflection in the form of mother, father, wife, husband, sister, brother, etc. Like the Alcoholic the Co-dependant dances the sick dance and if the spell is not broken tragedy always follows.</p> “Tough love” for a co-dependant like myself should be called “Almost Impossible Tough Love.” Single, desperately searching for solutions and a single mom with an only alcoholic son spelled disaster from the start. That was and is my story.. For over 5 years I have been going to Alanon meetings to hear the stories over and over again which reiterate that — if you co-sign with the alcoholic in your life, and let him or her get their way — you are enabling them to the point of possibly killing them
….
What is unbelievable to me is that after so many meetings and work with this illness that I have called “Co-Dependance” the message still gets lost and I fall into a trap each time my son calls and asks me for the kind of help that will bailing him out of a situation he has put himself into.

I now have a friend (sponsor) who I call right after my son calls as security because I do not trust my judgement when it pertains to my dearest boy.
Today she asks me the same questions she asked me the last time he called — did you say you would pay for the item, did you bail him out, do not help him Margaret….. Thank God there is a number of organizations like Alanon and Coda where my types can go…. I believe that the alcoholic looks in the mirror and sees the perfect codependant match in the reflection in the form of mother, father, wife, husband, sister, brother, etc. Like the Alcoholic the Co-dependant dances the sick dance and if the spell is not broken tragedy always follows.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-87 Anonymous Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:28:54 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-87 <p>Do you think tough love will work on someone who actually has a "death wish". My sister in law feels her life was destroyed this past year when she found her husband was cheating on her. He was her whole life. She has been living with us for 6 months and we believe she doesn't care if she lives or not. Before she came to live with us she did make 2 attempts at suicide. She refuses to get professional help and she is an alcoholic. We want to use the tough love concept, but what would happen if she actually did commit suicide?</p> Do you think tough love will work on someone who actually has a “death wish”. My sister in law feels her life was destroyed this past year when she found her husband was cheating on her. He was her whole life. She has been living with us for 6 months and we believe she doesn’t care if she lives or not. Before she came to live with us she did make 2 attempts at suicide. She refuses to get professional help and she is an alcoholic. We want to use the tough love concept, but what would happen if she actually did commit suicide?

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-85 Anonymous Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:10:31 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-85 <p>Tough love was a hard concept for me to grasp in early recovery. I thought that if my family loved me they would help me. This ended for me when I realized the best way for them to help me was to let me get this deal on my own.</p> Tough love was a hard concept for me to grasp in early recovery. I thought that if my family loved me they would help me. This ended for me when I realized the best way for them to help me was to let me get this deal on my own.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-78 Anonymous Fri, 21 Dec 2007 09:48:25 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-78 <p>When i came to gathe house acamedy, I did not want to be here. I had a choice i needed to make, either i stay at gatehouse or i goto prision and continue to live a life of crime. I am so grateful for a my oppurtunity i have here at gatehouse. I have made a complete 180 around in my life. Today i no longer have a burn desire to use or drink. Today i have a purpose in my life and i owe it to gatehouse and my higher power. Without the tough love from my parents i would never be in the place that i am at today. I have faith in my self and in my higher power that i am doing the right thing for my life today. Instead living a life of drugs and alcohol, I can firmly say that i am doing excaxtly what i am suppose to be doing right. Though working the steps and and helping other alcoholics i have found a new meaning to life. Now being at gatehouse for nine months and coming close to my commencement,i have achieved a gratitude within my self that i would not have had without this oppurtunity at hand. And without the tough love that my parents gave who knows where i would have ended up most likely in prision, Thats is not where i want to be at today. I am truly grateful for this program and everything it has offered me.</p> When i came to gathe house acamedy, I did not want to be here. I had a choice i needed to make, either i stay at gatehouse or i goto prision and continue to live a life of crime. I am so grateful for a my oppurtunity i have here at gatehouse. I have made a complete 180 around in my life. Today i no longer have a burn desire to use or drink. Today i have a purpose in my life and i owe it to gatehouse and my higher power. Without the tough love from my parents i would never be in the place that i am at today. I have faith in my self and in my higher power that i am doing the right thing for my life today. Instead living a life of drugs and alcohol, I can firmly say that i am doing excaxtly what i am suppose to be doing right. Though working the steps and and helping other alcoholics i have found a new meaning to life. Now being at gatehouse for nine months and coming close to my commencement,i have achieved a gratitude within my self that i would not have had without this oppurtunity at hand. And without the tough love that my parents gave who knows where i would have ended up most likely in prision, Thats is not where i want to be at today. I am truly grateful for this program and everything it has offered me.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-84 Anonymous Sat, 15 Dec 2007 14:10:45 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-84 <p>I’m grateful that I’m clean and sober today. When I look back over my using history, I see just how many times I was enabled by well meaning people (my parents first and foremost) to continue with my addictions. It’s a knack that addicts have, to find people who want to ‘help’ us - I surrounded myself with those sorts - poor little victim of life that I was. As I spiraled to my bottom, making the rounds of doctors and professionals, looking for the magic elixir that would ‘fix’ me, I ran headlong into a professional who was in recovery himself and it was he who provided my ‘tough love’. ‘You’re an alcoholic, plain and simple and that’s you’re problem’ he declared. I’m forever grateful to him for telling me like it was and guiding me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous.</p> I’m grateful that I’m clean and sober today. When I look back over my using history, I see just how many times I was enabled by well meaning people (my parents first and foremost) to continue with my addictions. It’s a knack that addicts have, to find people who want to ‘help’ us - I surrounded myself with those sorts - poor little victim of life that I was. As I spiraled to my bottom, making the rounds of doctors and professionals, looking for the magic elixir that would ‘fix’ me, I ran headlong into a professional who was in recovery himself and it was he who provided my ‘tough love’. ‘You’re an alcoholic, plain and simple and that’s you’re problem’ he declared. I’m forever grateful to him for telling me like it was and guiding me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-83 Anonymous Fri, 14 Dec 2007 13:36:38 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-83 <p>When I was dropped off at Gatehouse, I was furious, feeling that my parents had deceived me. How dare they! Of course, I overlooked my endless string of lies, theft, and threats. I was like someone possessed and I had no idea what I had really become. I was so angry to hear that I would be expected to do many things that I did not feel like doing.<br /> Instead of bending to my efforts to get out of the situation, my Dad left me there and told me it was my last chance he would offer me to change my life.<br /> I consider myself blessed to be one of the fortunate ones.<br /> I have had the opportunity since then, to thank my parents for giving me my life back.<br /> We cannot pretend to be able to help others by shielding them from the consequences of their actions.<br /> Only after someone has come to grips with what they are and what they are doing, can they embark on a new path.</p> When I was dropped off at Gatehouse, I was furious, feeling that my parents had deceived me. How dare they! Of course, I overlooked my endless string of lies, theft, and threats. I was like someone possessed and I had no idea what I had really become. I was so angry to hear that I would be expected to do many things that I did not feel like doing.
Instead of bending to my efforts to get out of the situation, my Dad left me there and told me it was my last chance he would offer me to change my life.
I consider myself blessed to be one of the fortunate ones.
I have had the opportunity since then, to thank my parents for giving me my life back.
We cannot pretend to be able to help others by shielding them from the consequences of their actions.
Only after someone has come to grips with what they are and what they are doing, can they embark on a new path.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/2007/10/18/tough-love/#comment-79 Anonymous Fri, 14 Dec 2007 08:32:31 +0000 http://www.gatehouseacademy.com/blog/?p=32#comment-79 <p>One time, in the middle of the night, I was awakened by my teenage son who, in his drug-crazed state, threatened yet again to jump to his death from the large suspension bridge nearby.<br /> This threat was not unusual nor was the demand for money (or something)in order to stave off that threat.<br /> Having finally had enough, I said "well, son, if you do jump off that bridge, I will be very sad along with the rest of your family - but, I am not getting out of bed and am most certainly not giving you any money or, for that matter, anything until you agree to go into treatment for your drug addiction. You know my numbers - call me when you make up your mind! Goodnight."<br /> A difficult moment; but an essential divide had been passed. There were no more desperate calls in the middle of the night and my son entered treatment shortly after.<br /> When I hung up the telephone that night, I knew that I must prepare myself for a call announcing my son's death - that was the price that I had to pay in order for me to stop enabling him and to restore some sanity into my life!</p> One time, in the middle of the night, I was awakened by my teenage son who, in his drug-crazed state, threatened yet again to jump to his death from the large suspension bridge nearby.
This threat was not unusual nor was the demand for money (or something)in order to stave off that threat.
Having finally had enough, I said “well, son, if you do jump off that bridge, I will be very sad along with the rest of your family - but, I am not getting out of bed and am most certainly not giving you any money or, for that matter, anything until you agree to go into treatment for your drug addiction. You know my numbers - call me when you make up your mind! Goodnight.”
A difficult moment; but an essential divide had been passed. There were no more desperate calls in the middle of the night and my son entered treatment shortly after.
When I hung up the telephone that night, I knew that I must prepare myself for a call announcing my son’s death - that was the price that I had to pay in order for me to stop enabling him and to restore some sanity into my life!

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