The Family’s Role in Recovery
This story highlights the important role many parents play in the recovery of a young adult suffering from addiction. Michelle is a recovering drug addict, she started drinking at the age of 13 and soon found herself addicted to crystal meth. In three short years she couldn't live without the drug. Her mother was able to intervene and stop the process of addiction. Michelle now thanks her mother for the gift of a new life and the continued love and support. It shows that a strong support system can allow hope for the addict to recover. Also mentioned in the article is the importance of educating families on addiction. At Gatehouse Academy we empasize the healing of the whole family by providing Family Therapy Workshops throughout the residents stay. It allows the family the opportunity to show the same love and support that Michelle recieved. The Workshops also educate families on addiction and the recovery process.
"Families need to support each other and love each other and get help for the whole family,"
November 20th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
The importance of having family support and a famil in recovery has been huge in my sobriety. Going through the workshops as they go along with the twelve steps was one of the most rewarding aspects of Gatehouse Academy. I was able to form a new honest relationship with all my family members as well as be oomfortable knowing my family is aware of my disease. One of the most destructive things, when I was in my addiction, was my parents enabling me. However, through their alanon, my A.A, and Gatehouses workshops we have all grown and taken on the responsibility that is ours alone. Again, I just want to stress the importance of family recovery, it is a disease that affects everyone and a recovery that affects everyone.
November 21st, 2007 at 9:38 am
It is important to educated the family about addiction and recovery. I have known kids who have graduated from a rehabilitation program and their parents would throw them a party and allow them to drink. It is very important for the parents to know their role in the recovery of their son.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
When I was using meth and heroin my life was terrible and self destructive. I hated myself and wanted to die. My mom was only making it worse through her enabling me. My brother wasn’t helping by telling my parents it wasn’t that bad. It really is a family disease. My dads drinking was not helping either. Now I have fifteen months sober and my dad almost has a year. He got into the program a few months after me. My mom goes to alanon and no longer enables me. My life is so much better and we are all happier.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
After placing my son at Gatehouse, with the help of an escort, I found myself really taking a hard look at my own role in setting him up for his illness. Of course, he’s responsible for his own actions and recovery but so am I in my relationship with him and my other family members.
December 10th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Families need help too! My parents are far from addicts, but I know that they still need support today to handle to pain I put them through for so many years. My parents have educated themselves with AA and are able to understand what I am going through. They lean a lot on me now and that is a great feeling.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:09 am
Being the daughter of an alcoholic mother I understand the affects addiction can have on a family. I know personally, I was tortured watching my mom being “taken over.” She did go to treatment more than once, and relapsed. As the child I often had to play the role of the adult. My mom lost her battle with alcoholism a little over a year ago, and today her family is still very much affected by the disease. The families role in addiction does not end when the addicted has passed away.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Growing up in a dysfunctional family was very challenging itself in being an alcoholic. I think that education for the families that have alcoholism or drug addiction is essential in the recovery of that person. Ultimately through my experience working at Gatehouse, it is a very healing process for everyone involved.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:33 am
From my experience this is a family disease. This affects the whole family in one way or another. After coming to Gatehouse my family starting taking the necessary steps in getting well themselves. After having 20 months sober I influenced my brother ( a long time alcoholic) into coming to Gatehouse and starting a new life. Now my family enjoys spending time with me instead of dreading it. My dad is also almost two years sober now. So alot of my talks with my dad and brother are about sobriety. For me, life is better than I could have imagioned.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:48 am
One of the greatest gifts I have recieved from Gatehouse was a new outlook regarding my family situation. To be able to call my parents not out of necessity, rather out of love and care; This has made it being part of my family a wonderful experince. Through the family workshops, my Father and I were able to mend some serious events and beliefs which held us back from having a healthy and loving relationship with one another. Today, we can listen to one another with compassion and understanding. Gatehouse enabled us to do this and we are forever thankful.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:49 am
When I first got into recovery, I definitely needed the support of my family, but they needed help too. We didn’t know how to communicate in a healthy way. Through the 12 steps and with the help of the workshops, we learned how to support each other and help each other get through this disease that affected our whole family.
December 10th, 2007 at 11:57 am
Through my time spent out in the world active in my addiction, I believed that no one else was affected by my disease. I held to the phrase “why should anyone care what I do in my personal life, what does it have to do with them?”
Later on the fog cleared, and that delusion began to dissipate. It was harmfully affecting everyone around me in a very serious way. I was like a tornado, using what was ever put in front of me to get out of right here, right now, and using who would ever let me use them to make that happen. It was rough for my family during this time period, having to watch me drink and snort my life away, feeling powerless in their endeavors to help me. I would have brief periods of sobriety, restoring their hope, and they, wanting to believe that I was back on the water wagon for keeps, thinking that everything was back how it was before, would provide for me unnecessarily, and me, being a hopeless crystal methamphetamine addict and alcoholic as well, would take advantage of them once again, going on another spree, crashing that sliver of hope that they had for me. It wasn’t until they received some coaching from a social worker, educational consultant, and later on Al-Anon, that they put there foot down, and gave me the option of treatment, and nothing else. This was the best thing they could have ever done for me. I don’t believe I would be here if it wasn’t for their tough love and the guidance that brought them to give me that as my only option, the only kind of help they wished to offer.
As of today (12/10/2007) I have 1067 days clean and sober, that’s about one month shy of three years. I have a life that is better than anything I could have ever dreamed, it means something at last. I have a reason to be alive today; I am living with a purpose. I have a good relationship with my family, beyond anything I could have imagined before. Although we live in different states, we communicate regularly by phone and we make time to see each other on the holidays. This NEVER would have happened without a recovery process that involved my whole family, and going to a treatment program that made that available. Thanks Gatehouse!
December 10th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
It is very important for families of recovering addicts and alcoholics to be working a program as well. Through the disease the family members become sick as well. This is why it is important for them to be working a al-non program so that they too can recover.
My parents started a celebrate recovery in their hometown. having them participate in their recovery also in turn has helped mine. We talk about the steps, programs of action and spirituality.
I am a much better person for working the twelve steps and so are my parents for doing the same.
December 10th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Many families do not realize that they are affected by the actions of their children who are addicted or alcoholic. Therefore, without realizing this and realizing the need for help, support groups such as Al-Anon have been formed which are important for the recovery of the entire family.
December 10th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
I am so excited to say that my family was saved by this program and that after 27 months of being sober i got the full trust back from my father and that means the world to me, My addiction tore us apart and having a relationship with him is so great
December 10th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
The best thing my family could have done was to walk away from me and offer no more support to the way i was living. Before i came to treatment, my mom attended Al-Anon which helped her with the process of beginning to “lovingly detach” from me while i continued living in my disease. It is my belief that through losing that support i was able to hit bottom quicker and come to the conclusion on my own that my life was miserable and i needed help. Through out my early recovery the positive feedback and support i got from my parents helped me a lot seeing as it was the first time in a few years they were supporting me in a decision i had made. One of the gifts i have received in recovery is the ability to take responsibility for my own life, and with that the boundaries that have been set by myself and my family to ensure their own sanity and well-being as well as mine.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:02 am
In my work with residents and their families at Gatehouse, I am often reminded of the Alanon slogan ” When one person in a family opens the window, everyone benefits from the fresh air!” That is exactly what I see happening with the families that participate in our Familiy Workshops. Everyone benefits!
December 11th, 2007 at 10:03 am
When I got into recovery, I had ruined the relationship with all of my family, and my son. I broke all promises to him and he was living at my parents since I was not able to support him financially, emotionally, or take care of his medical needs, I was too selfish and worried about myself. Once I started to be in recovery and really want my life to change, is when they started to talk to me and see that things were changing. My little brother was the one who was the most dissapointed in me. I had stole, lied, and treated him like crap. I now have all of thier trust back, and my brother tells me how proud of me he is. That means so much to me, being able to now that now I am the big sister that he has always wanted. It was only after they learned through AA, and Al-anon that it was a disease and that things I was doing was only a result of my addiction. Without their support, I would of never made it through this. I now see my son and have a great relationship with him.
December 11th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Each week I have the awesome privilege of walking with families beginning recovery for the first time or have been in recovery for quite a while. Family workshops are a place where many families have come feeling a hopeless end and found an endless hope. Workshops are a place where families find connectedness with other families to laugh with, cry with, and grow with in their own recovery. To all who have walked with me, I am proud of you.
December 12th, 2007 at 11:39 am
Drug addiction and alcoholism affects people of all different ages, races, classes, etc. Since there are so many variations expecting the family to support is a great idea but there are many people who’s families cannot, will not, or simply aren’t there. This is when AA becomes family and is the supportive post. If the family is able it is great for them to be supportive, but they also need support. If the family is close to the drug addict or alcoholic chances are they have been hurt along the way.
December 12th, 2007 at 11:48 am
Addiction is a family disease. When I was using I brought my family down with me and in recovery I realize that I need them to rise again. Gatehouse offers a great venue for my family and I to experience happiness, sadness, anger and most importantly growth together through the workshops that they held for us and all the proffesional support that they provided as well. After completing the 12 month term at Gatehouse and going through all the workshops I have a relationship with my family that is ten fold better than my previous one. Without the help of Alcoholics Anonymous and Gatehouse I would have never been able to enjoy my family as much as I do today! The disease of addiction for me is full circle so when I apply the principles of the program to my life I can actually see it getting better. So for me family is a huge part of my life that I have taken for granted in the past and through hard work and a lot of growth I have been able to get them back and we can now continue to move foreword in happiness.
December 12th, 2007 at 11:49 am
While the addicts behavior has added a great amount of stress to the family there are many components that aid the addict within the family dynamic to continue using. The chief aids to an addicts use is usually their parents who continue to give them financial and emotional support even though they are continuing to use and abuse the relationship for their own twisted thinking. Though the parents of an addict believe they are only doing a service to their child what is really going on is that they are manipulating the situation to get just what they want which is to continue using. The clearest definition of insane thinking is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. This is what families do if they continue to give in to the addict’s manipulations for money and material goods. Family’s best options are to send an addict wrapped in his or her addiction to a place where they can get the help that they need in order to recover. While the addict is working on themselves the family should go to places like Families Anonymous or ALANON. If this approach is taken and the family embraces recovery then the end results of success can be high.
December 12th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
It is important for families of an addict to educate themselves about the disease The educated family in recovery can clearly understand and accept that the repeated behavior of the addict is not an intentional act to punish them. It is an addict doing what they do to support their addiction. The uneducated family will interrupt the using as a conscious act to punish them for being bad parents. These parent will be plagued with the thought “what did I ever do to them that I deserve to be punished like this”? This family will function out of feelings of guilt, which will set them up to be manipulated by the addict. Addicts are master manipulates that will take advantage of any means possible to guilt people into giving them what they want. Families are educated in the family workshops on how not to be guilt victims. They are given guidance on how to set appropriate boundares with the addict. They stop living under the crushing feeling of guilt as they learn how to provide health support instead of unhealthy enabling.
December 13th, 2007 at 10:11 am
I thank my parents for kicking me out of the house. I was not going to look for help until I could not make anymore on my own which is what happened. I got so miserable I had no choice but to get help. Family Workshops were a must I thought. They did not understand why I could not just stop. It seemed simple to them. Now they understand alcoholism and go to Al-Anon meetings. Today they can spot when I might be in trouble.
December 13th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
My family played a pretty vital role in my early recovery, they had to let go and leave it up to me to get clean and stay that way, but at the same time were very supportive of me while i was in recovery and doing the things i needed to, in order to maintain a semi-sane life.
December 13th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
The importance of the family moving into recovery by attending Alanon meeting is as important as their young adult is working through their process of developing a new way to live without using drugs or alcohol. I believe it is a core piece to developing healthy family relationships between both worlds. As a parent with a young adult that is in recovery from her addiction abuse, I find the Alanon meetings a place where I can express in an honest way how fearful and controling I am when red flags come up while taking to my daughter. Alanon has led me to understand that I have a choice today to stay in fear and worry over her actions or let it go and pray she makes the better chooses. Life is much better for me when I tell myself it is a good day when I let God run the show.
December 14th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Families have to understand that it is a family disease and in order for full recovery everyone must work their program. Addiction is a roaring fire that consumes many logs. Albeit, the addict chise the addiction, there are many logs that contribute to it. In family recovery the family members begin to identify and own up to their contributing logs or factors. It’s like taking logs from the fire. This not only makes it easier for the addict to successfully move into recovery but it allows the family members to find recovery in their own unhealthy behaviors.
December 14th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Families have to understand that it is a family disease and in order for full recovery everyone must work their program. Addiction is a roaring fire that consumes many logs. Albeit, the addict chise the addiction, there are many logs that contribute to it. In family recovery the family members begin to identify and own up to their contributing logs or factors. It’s like taking logs from the fire. This not only makes it easier for the addict to successfully move into recovery but it allows the family members to find recovery in their own unhealthy behaviors.
December 14th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
The best thing a family can do is take care of themselves, and allow the addict to have to accept the consequences of their actions. If it is possible, helping the addict get serious help is adviseable, but sending them on rehab “vacations” can be unproductive. It is better to look for something that will address both the addiction and the lack of life skills we addicts tend to have.
December 14th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
when i first got into treatment my family wrote me a tough love letter basically stating that if i wasn’t willing to do what i had to do to get sober and finish this program that i wasnt welcome back home. That was one of the biggest turning points in my recovery. If my family was still willing to enable me in my addiction than I would be dead right now. My families letter was pretty harsh but at the same time it was what i needed to understand how my addiction had hurt the people I love the most. It opened my eyes to who I had become and that is why I chose to change today.
December 14th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
My family played a HUGE role for me getting into recovery. Much like the girl in this story, I found myself not being able to function or get by without my drug. My family stepped in and helped me to get to Gatehouse. When I first got sober, it wasn’t for me, I was sober for my family. They say, it doesn’t matter how you get here, just get here. I did. After a while I wanted sobriety for me. I am not sober today for my family, but if it wasn’t for my family I wouldn’t be sober today, probably not even alive.
December 14th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
My family has played a greatly instrumental role in my recovery. We have had many ups and downs, learning experiences, and trials and tribulations. Through tears and laughter, we have come to the point where we’re at now. This point has me sober today and my family working their own recovery program. I can identify where I begin and my family members end. I can focus on myself and the 12-step program I work and release my family from the previous fears they experienced when I was active in my addiction and alcoholism.
December 14th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
When I was sober 6 years, my AA sponsor sent me to Al-anon, and I thought she was sending me into “enemy camp”! It took me about a year to figure out what I was doing there, but as the mother , daughter,sister, niece and grandchild of alcoholism, Al-anon saved my heart and my life. Most significantly, I learned where I end and where my family begins. They were almost as happy that I was in Al-anon, as they were when I got into A.A.! I needed to not just understand powerlessness, but to accept it in all areas of my life. I think 12-step recovery is the best game in town!
December 15th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Working with residents and thier families over the years has been and education and a gift. Having been a part of thier lives and struggles has given me the ability to understand my own family and practice loving detachment.
February 17th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
To me, having my family back is one of the keys to my recovery. Before Gatehouse, I never felt this way about my family. While being a resident, and attending the family workshops I learned more about my parents and siblings in a course of a year then in my entire life. How I see it is that I had to earn back my family support and relationship with them through my actions becuase they were sick of me just talking and not doing the foot work. The program at Gatehouse helped me get motivated for building a strong and honest relationship with my Family.