From Fresno Airport to recovery
by Elizabeth R
A hot wind started to blow across my face as I sat in front of the Fresno Airport waiting for my friend’s sister to come and pick us up. My cell phone rang and it flashed DAD. I picked up. The conversation was short and curt. When the call ended I kicked my suitcase in an act of rage and started to scream. By the following Wednesday I would have to be in a treatment facility or I would be sentenced to jail for up to 6 months. Back in January 08 I got my first DUI and as my disease grew I was arrested in May 08 for my second. My punishment was clear-cut: GET HELP or BE LOCKED AWAY. My father frantically scurried around trying to find a solution to my problem. On Sunday my parents and I drove three hours to the Bay area to visit an Ed Consultant. And three days later I was on a flight to Las Vegas. My last three days were spent in a complete blur. I drained bank accounts trying to stay high for those last 72 hours of freedom. I repaid old debts and tried to show up well to friends to regain their approval and love before I left.
My story is summed up in multiple bottoms which include: trauma, abuse, suicide attempts and legal troubles.
My road to Gatehouse was less than anything glamorous. I attended Second Nature Wilderness program in Utah for 15 weeks before being driven to Wickenburg, Arizona. Within my first day all my expectations of Gatehouse were quickly whisked away. The rules, the limitations and the “big brother” aspect of living in a treatment facility for a year started to grow into a large chip on my right shoulder. Within my first week I ran twice, used the phone (which isn’t allowed) and cut myself. I was sent to the ranch where I stayed for 7 weeks until one day I couldn’t take it and needed to come back to main property. I started off doing well. I whizzed through my steps, attained leadership commitments and became actively involved in the program. During May my emotional breakdown rained down and I slipped head first into a puddle. Since that time I have found spirituality- a vital aspect of AA. I have developed better coping skills and learned more about myself and my thinking patterns. I work with an individual therapist twice a week on my past trauma and on how to handle everyday life. My relationships with my peers have developed into strong, supportive links that help me everyday in my sobriety. My step work and involvement in Gatehouse community had helped to bring life back to me.
I’ve been in Gatehouse for almost nine months and continue to grow and evolve on a daily basis. Almost a year ago today I was broken and scared. I hated life and wished nothing more than to transform into dust and be blown away with the wind, nothing of my memory would linger. But today I don’t wish to be forgotten in the wind. I have faith in my life and my capabilities- something I never would have imagined for myself before my stay at Gatehouse.
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